Defusing Anger & Sparking Connection in Divisive Times

Being positively powered in today’s world is becoming increasingly challenging. Our political climate has fueled so much anger, hatred and division, and it’s weighing heavily on my heart.

Disrespectful behavior, fear-driven rhetoric, and injustices are part of our daily lives. Anger, frustration, rage, fear…all the feelings sparking the negative charges you may be feeling are real. I am not discounting any of them. Bullying each other, discounting and silencing voices, and calling each other names like Libtards, Fascist, and Nazis is NOT OK.

The pressure to pick a side is so intense!

I know caring, heart-centered individuals, from both sides politically, who are pissed off! My social feeds are filled with posts from friends, family members, coaches and mentors - many of whom I’ve always admired as connectors – choosing to boldly disconnect, unfriend and unfollow anyone who vote differently from them. Trust me…I understand setting healthy boundaries is important! Identifying and unplugging from negative relationships is coaching that I often give to clients.

…yet I find myself asking how did we get here?

How did we get to place where exclusion trumps inclusion? Where on-going division overshadows creating community? When did alienating those who vote differently, or those who are different from us, become a social norm? When did we start vehemently attacking and demoralizing people who think differently from us?

Let’s be honest…at some point we’ve all been guilty of participating. And I’ll be the first to admit, I’m ashamed of this behavior and the  part I’ve played. I am deeply sorry.

How Do We Shift?

How do we step out of the cycle of negativity to fuel something brighter? How do we reclaim our power, and use it to spark connection rather than feeding the flames of division? Or is it too late?

This is a conversation that needs to be had…or at least one I want to have…and I’m hoping I’m not alone. It leads me to asking, what role do I have to play in defusing anger, amplifying understanding and reconnecting us to our humanity?

Taking on such a task will not be easy, and I question if this vision for our world is even possible. Yet during daily reflections and in the quiet of my mind, I find myself seeking guidance on this role because it’s in alignment with my purpose of leaving this world better than I found it. Bravely, I know want to help and know I have the tools to help, yet do I have the courage?

Bravery is often loud—it’s running into the fire, standing up in the heat of the moment, and taking a bold leap. I’ve been hardwired with it since I took my first jump off a changing table as a baby. A shocking feat, which had my mom’s heart pounding upon finding her first born hanging from the table after she briefly turned away. I’m sorry Mom (& Dad) for all the many scares I given being a bold, adventurous soul!

Courage, on the other hand, is quieter. It’s the strength to hold space, to listen when it’s easier to argue, to step into a conversation with openness rather than defensiveness. How can I wire myself to do this? Especially when it comes to listening, as many know I’m hardwired with the gift to gab. Right now, we need more courage in our workplaces and in our communities. Courage to pause before reacting. Courage to seek understanding rather than fuel division. Courage to be the ones who choose to spark connection instead of fanning the flames of anger and hatred. Do I trust myself to go beyond bravery and find that courage?

Shift the Energy: Small Ways to Start

We don’t have to silence our voices, but we don’t have to let frustration and division define us either. In a world that often feels on fire, we need more love, more light, and more willingness to lean into connection rather than conflict. We reclaim our power when we have the courage to take responsibility for our behaviors, our thoughts, our actions…100% responsibility. While viewed as a weighted task, even the word itself reveals this is simply plugging into our “ability” to respond. I lean on the following simple formula to provide a powerful perspective:

E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome).  

The event is a stimulus—it’s what happens around or to us. We can’t always control an event, or how it triggers us, yet we can control our response. And in that small space, between an event and our response, we have a choice. We can react emotionally, fueling division, or we can pause, shift our energy, and choose a healthier, loving response that fuels understanding, connection, and respectful solutions. 

The pause is where transformation happens. It’s where we move from being reactive to being intentional. It’s our point of power. A place where we can shift an outcome. Imagine how different your day might feel, if instead of absorbing the negativity around you, you took a breath, grounded yourself, and chose an intentional response that amplifies something positive. 

Here are three small ways we can begin to spark compassion, fuel understanding, and generate positive momentum, even if only a tiny glimmer of potential to help reconnect us with our humanity:

1. FUEL CURIOSITY OVER JUDGEMENT
    When faced with a challenging conversation, instead of reacting with frustration, pause and ask: “What’s underneath this?” or “What’s their perspective?” Judgment fuels division and amplifies conflict. We can courageously question assumptions, our own and others, without sacrificing our values. Curiosity diffuses defensiveness, fuels understanding, and opens the door to connection.

2. SPARK UPLIFTING CONVERSATIONS
   Pay attention to how you start conversations. Are you amplifying frustration, or are you generating solutions? A simple shift, like asking, “What’s one thing going well this week?” can redirect energy towards something positive. In moments of division, or  frustration, considering “How can I take the energy from this challenge, and use it to create a breakthrough?” transforms the tension and may guide the conversation toward positive outcomes.  

3. RECLAIM YOUR ENERGY WITH SMALL WINS
   Feeling powerless? Start with what you can control. A small act—checking in on a coworker, offering appreciation, taking a tech-free moment to reset—creates ripples. These seemingly small actions will help you regain focus, spark positivity, and shift your mindset. A chain-reaction of compassion may even light up a path for healing and reconnection. Never underestimate how small sparks of kindness can ignite bigger fires.

Leading the Shift

As positively powered individuals, professionals, and leaders, we have a choice in how we show up. We can contribute to fear-driven narratives and division, or we can shine our light and be the ones who create connection and resilience. The energy we bring to our relationships, our conversations, and our daily interactions matters.

Let’s be the ones who pause, choose courage, and fuel the change we seek. Because a positively powered shift starts with us. Whether its starting a conversation with just yourself, strengthening your “response-ability” muscles, or respectfully listening to an  opposing opinion to amplify understanding. We don’t have to do it alone. Together, through small, consistent, and considerate actions, we can reignite a flame of humanity, resilience, and love.

What’s one small action you can take today to reclaim your power, spark connection, and help energize a positively powered shift?